i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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