I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
