The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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