When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
