I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
