I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
