Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
