Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
