Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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