You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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