your parents love me but you hate me
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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