He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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