it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
