Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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