I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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