I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
