Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
