he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
