Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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