I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Your tits are I can't wait for
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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