I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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