Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
