I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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