does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
