Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
