Reggie can tackle my bush.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
