I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
