yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
