Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
