I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
