im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
