last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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