You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
