I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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