You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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