go do what you do best...puke behind churches
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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