i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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