Kiss
Puke
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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