so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
