C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
