My Higher Power is John Stamos
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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