ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
