I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
