Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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