you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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