I got chris browned last night
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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