I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
