This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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