I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
