Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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