Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
