Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
